Her Story

She works so hard to suppress the stupid feeling that she has all these while. But only to find she's falling deeper into a dark hole with no limits...deeper than ever. Where's the bottom of the hole? Or it's like a galaxy with no end?

She doesn't understand why she needs to go through this. She hates to see people who are same like her, the usual human being, the same age, has different fate. Sometimes, she feels unstable; sometimes she is jealous and envy. Then she starts to wonder, and questions without answers pop out in her mind like ants coming out from a hole.

Nobody sees her.

That's the most cruel thing for her, ever......

And she's wandering endlessly, helplessly and hopelessly....not knowing where to seek her happiness. Talking about happiness, she doesn't remember how it really feels to be happy anymore.

I wish

There's only one thought that fills my entire mind today...

I wish....

that i could find love & be loved again...

Wake up girl

I feel unexpectedly moody and down, for some reasons I couldn't tell. I hope it will not haunt me for any longer, because I think it would be silly for me to feel so. But, how could I control such feelings? Especially when it comes to sentimental matters. But hell no...I don't want to feel worse anymore. Enough till here please, emo viv!

Seriously, I'm surprised that i would feel moody and down after we talked about your matter. How could it be possible? It SUPPOSED to be impossible, isn't it? Lets hope that it cease here, and go no further; because it would be a disaster if i hang onto such complicated feelings.

Therefore, i shall awaken the sensible and rational side of me, and send the emotional and sentimental side of me to sleep......

Wake up girl....there's no hope for u there, only disappointment and disaster.

Be Happy

Find a reason to be happy, I told myself. And YES!!! That's what I'll be working on!

I m not trying to say that I wasn't happy all these while, but right now, I wanted more! Something more interesting and adventurous perhaps?

First of all, I will need to state down "What interest me?" and "What I would love to do/have?" I like out-ing actually, which I think most people wont believe! Haha. Anyway, I would like to try new stuff, see new and interesting things.... yeah....i mean SEE~ Let my eyes capture the beautiful views and moments around me. I like to capture things that are beautiful. Or every now and then, some simple but meaningful moments. By then, it came to my mind that, oh ya! I need a new camera!

Camera? Nay~ not SLR....too bulky for me....and i don't have that much budget either! Muahahaha~ i still prefer a thin and light digital camera. After all, all the latest digital cameras come with lots of functions and features too! So, my first aim is to get a new camera! Hola!

--

I read someone's blog in blogger today. I love her blog so much. And surprisingly, she inspires me, in a very good and positive way. She inspires me and help me to understand some matters. I can't believe either! It's amazing.

And right now, I just need to enjoy my life to the fullest, my way. Why should I care or feel sad if someone says I am not beautiful? I don't have to, because somewhere out there, there are people who thinks I am. Why should I be moody over someone who doesn't miss me, when there are people out there who miss me? What I am trying to say is, if there's someone who doesn't see you, it doesn't matter, because there are others who will. All I gotta do is be myself, right?

--

Alrite....don't go too far....enough of Viv's Philosophy....

First target : Camera!

So.... camera......here I come! Muahahaha~

去哪儿了？

去哪儿了 那份对设计的兴趣与热情
去哪儿了 那原本活跃又创意的思维
去哪儿了 那打从心里要奋斗的精神
去哪儿了 那水汪汪有神的心灵之窗
去哪儿了 那秀出凌乱牙齿的大笑容
去哪儿了 那抬头挺胸满满的自信心
去哪儿了 那所有疼爱我的人的呵护
去哪儿了 那对世界美好存有的希望

一路走来 才发现失去了这么多真我

我的兴趣 我的热情
我的创意 我的奋斗
我的视觉 我的笑容
我的信心 我的爱护
我的世界 没有了我

我去哪儿了。。。。

需要时间 找回自己
再次努力 为了自己
看见自己 更爱自己

永远记得 我在这里

平安

Too many disasters,
too many sickness,
too many broken-hearts,
too many lost-of-hope;

People panic and cry
over their lost home,
lost of their closest family & friends;
and lost of fortune;

We pray,
for victims of earthquakes, floods, snow storm...
may strength, hope & will stay with you.

祝你们平安

*picture taken by a friend, edited by myself*

"Peach and Love"

Artwork: Peach and Love

(some of the artworks I need to do for freelance.)
It's not perfect, but I just simply love the flowers.

Angel vs Demon

There's always two sides of ourselves...the Angel side (good side) and the evil side (bad side) of us. Sometimes we are stucked in between, what to choose? which side to choose? Shall we go with the angels, or demons?

In the world that i live in, you need to be both Angel and Demon. At the end of the day, what that matters most is that WE LOVE OURSELVES!


My Angel and Demon

Paper Crane

Paper crane, a piece of art that represents hope and dreams. It's a type of Origamie art, and basically that is the only Origami that i know how to do. Hahaha. It looks simple, but it brings and represents such deep meanings and hopes.

We see in dramas, people fold paper crane when their loves one are sick or hospitalized; they hang them on the ceiling and bind each of the crane with thread, and so that they will fall like a curtain. Children loves colorful paper cranes, adults adore them too, for paper crane brings hope and may prayers to be heard.

I had lots of paper cranes at my hometown room, which i folded and kept for more than ten years. Very colorful paper cranes. I do not remember why i folded them. But they were kept nicely in the drawer under my bed.

It doesnt matter if those paper cranes really bring hope or make dreams come true. The important thing is that we admire and appreciate the beauty of Origami paper crane.

To all whom i love & care, may your life be colorful and beautiful, like these paper cranes.

And thank you to those who love & care for me too.

I just couldnt...

I am so down
I couldnt convince myself
that being alone is okay
because it is not.

I am so down
I couldnt stop myself
from feeling jealous of people
who are so-in-love & are in loved in return.

I am so down
I couldnt erase the fact
that I am so afraid of being alone
and who knows how long it will last?

I am so down
I couldnt stop aging
that i had walked pass half my lifetime
without finding someone who really loves me.

I am so down
I couldnt see my future
whether I will find The One, at all.

I am so down
I couldnt control myself
to stop thinking about all these shit-s
that affects myself so deeply.

I am so down
And I will give myself one day
to feel how deeply down I could be
Because tomorrow
I will not let this feeling conquer me again.

And this is me,
please allow me to feel depress today...

Rockschool Poster

This was something i did for freelance. Not much of concept or theme, just "rock". I recevied some compliments though. Hehehe~ Thank you to my friend who offered this job to me, even though i did it for FREE! Haha~ NO more FREE jobs ya! Except for charity ^.^

Toyshop Wallpaper Design

Illustration? It's been a while.... hahaha~ Glad that i can try something cute & childish though. Let's give it a try!

The first thing that came into my mind was Wonderland. Influenced too much by Alice in Wonderland i guess! My Toy Wonderland has huge cupcakes and mushrooms, and lollipops flying in the sky! The Castle was a challenge, i dont know what kinda castle i should draw. And last but not least, the "Alice in Wonderland kitty" (sorry i dont know it's name!) welcoming the children into Toy Wonderland.

In hope to provoke the feeling of walking into a wonderland with this wallpaper.




-Toy Wonderland-


Another idea came into mind is something more simple, a plain and repetitive pattern. More baby-like though...



Now we'll just wait and see what the client thinks about them? Haha...

A beautiful wedding @ Last day of 2009

My dearest friend a.k.a Siao Cha Bo a.k.a Alce just happily married with her newly-wed husband Jonathan. This was the first time i become a "ji mui" (sister) in a wedding. It was really fun and memorable. I had a great day on 31st Dec 2009, a very special and memorable last day of 2009!




It's been great to see all my friends again, it's been almost a year since we last met each other, during our graduation. Well, most of us didnt change much ^^ and we are still able to laugh and talk like crazy people, as we always do. Gosh~ i miss u guys so much, and the time we spent together, and memories that we used to have during college.

I felt like hugging all of you that day...... *shy shy*
Just wanna say that u guys look really great. Really really happy to see u guys again. Until we meet again....who knows when....Take care my dear friends. Love u guys so much.

And because of all of you, i had such a great new year 2010 weekend. And so i believe that my 2010 will be a great year!!! Go go go 2010!

My Year-end Spell

It's end of year 2009, and i have come to a conclusion whereby My Year 2009 SUCKS!!!

I seriously think that my year 2009 sucks. I questioned myself over and over again, why? why? why? Why do i need to experience those stupid break-ups, which had seriously make my life fall apart and miserable? At first, I do not want to talk about these, but the more i am keeping to myself, the worse I'm feeling. I feel unfair!

Every human being is greedy. We give out, and we expect something back. But it seems that along the year, I gave out my heart, but i got nothing in return, except disappointment and negligence. Frankly speaking, I'm a very greedy person. I'm greedy for love. When i give, I expect people to treat me the same way. Don't tell me I'm asking too much? When I fall for someone, I love truly and sincerely. I would do any sweet and romantic things to make our relationship worth. But someone said this to me this year, "you're like plain water. Simple, important but not challenging and adventurous." Thank you so much for that! I would remember this my whole life.

Whether or not I'm a glass of plain water, you felt that way because you do not know the true me. And if you do not know the true me, then back away! Plain water? A plain, simple and normal drink that people, even children, take for granted. People choose to love other drinks like wine, beer, juices, coffee tea or whatever, who would choose plain water as their favorite drink? But have u ever thought, that plain water is the most basic and important drink in our daily life. You take it for granted when you are happy and crazy in fun, but you would BEG for a glass of plain water when are sick or in serious thirst! Beg for it guys!!

Would anyone understand exactly the hurt and anger that i have been experiencing? A hurt and angry feeling that would come and go, just as they like. Damn. Yes, because they were finding all sorts of excuses to leave me or break my heart. I do not want to act like a pathetic victim in your game. So i let go. But it does not mean I'm a weakling! Comes back and sounds so sorry and concerning, feel guilty already huh? I forgave all of you, when others said I should not be silly. And I always welcome you back as friend, why am i doing that? Because i do not want a single foe or enemy in my life.

And take in all the feelings and blames at the first place, in hope that there would be a change or miracle. But now i realize, miracles hardly happen. Maybe they will, but hardly. So, where's my miracle?

I want a miracle. A miracle so beautiful and lovely, that I will meet The One soon, my soul mate. And after all the disappointment, I still pray hard, and faithfully.

--

Alas! The witch will be fine. She'll be strong, holding on to her faith and belief. And she hopes the one that she loves now, will loved her dearly in return too.

What's Love?

I love my friend's facebook shout-out, saying:

"We ignore the ones who adore us,
Adore the ones who ignore us,
Love the ones that hurt us &
hurt the ones that love us."

How sarcastic Love can be right? And it's so true isn't it? It's exactly what happened to us.
So, at the end of the day, what's true love anyway?

Why do we ignore, or feel annoyed by the ones who adore us? We have our admirers, people who cares and loves us for all sorts of reasons. They show us how much they care for us, even willing to wait or sacrifice for us. But we felt annoyed about that, or rather 'not feel touched' at all. Why are we like that?

And surprisingly instead, we would fall for the ones who kinda ignore us, or the ones who doesn't really care about us. Why? Is it because it's challenging? Do we treat that as a challenge?

And finally when we fall for each other, they hurt our feelings. Or i would say, it's because we care too much and take the relationship too seriously that we become paranoid, somehow? I do not know. We tend to think that our love ones hurt us, but what can we expect? We should not expect others to do exactly what we want them to do; or be someone we expect them to be. At the end of the day, Love is just so hard......

At last, try to love with all our heart and cherish all the ones who loves us, because they love us for who we are, that that's really sweet and lovely.

I - love - you

When you tucked my hair behind my ears,

When you run your fingers across my hair,

When you kissed me on the forehead,

When you put your forehead against mine,

When we whispered and exchanged secrets,

When you looked into my eyes even not saying a word,

When you looked so shy,

When we shared a cup of ice-cream,

When you wanted me to sit on your lap

as if there's no other couch in the house,

When we cooked our 'Imaginative toast bread',

When we played Spiderweb,

When we stood at the balcony and listened to the wind bell

and felt the cool breeze of midnight....

All these are just wonderful

because I feel loved,

and even the simplest action or word can mean a lot.

All because I love you.

But, I dare not to say the words....

爱屋及乌

那天，他可爱的问我，“老板最近怎样了？他好吗？”

不爽。。。

“你应该问的是我好不好，不是老板好不好吧？”

他呵呵，然后说，“爱屋及乌嘛。。。”

本小姐华语真的差到不行。。。爱屋及乌？什么东东？

他解释说，“Love someone, and love everything around that someone."

哦恍然大悟。。。然后甜甜的笑了下。

原来是爱屋及乌。。。

--

喜欢一个人，就要包容他的一切

好与坏，

但有些时候，包容一切未必就能长长久久

因为世上有太多不可思议，

太多无法预料，不在掌握之中的事。。。

那就是人的改变

最后，我们不就只是要一个‘肯定’，

一个 promise

却不会有一个肯定的‘肯定’，

因为败在人的善变与喜新厌旧

所以，我们唯有珍惜当下

现在开心就开心

明天和以后的事，

再说吧。。。。。。

A Poem

*** A special poem for you ***

I like you
for so many reasons,
large or small
and all of them are wonderful.

I like you
for all the special qualities
that make you "You",
one of a kind.

I like you
for the things you say or said,
that bring such special meaning to my life.

And I like you
when your eyes and your arms
tell me all i want to know.

I like you
because you know how
to bring out the best in me.

I like you
just because i do......
Because now,
in a place where
there was nothing before,
in the deepest part of my heart......
there is love again.

***